Fireworks without the Finally

The fourth was great! A little rain but all was grand. I was allowed to be unlocked from Tuesday evening till Thursday morning. It felt great! We had amazing sex twice for hours. It is so amazing when she unlocks me. I am like a teenager again. Between the power exchange and the sheer excitement of being close i can hardly stand it. Being lock up most of the time i have become very sensitive. The feelings are like none i have ever felt. There is no mechanical emotion or sex. It is all very intense and special. I had the most amazing orgasm! No i did not cum. The emotional physical orgasm far surpasses the simple cumming that for me and my partner the thought of going back to that old way is out of the question. On the 8th it will be 4 months since i came. She has reprogrammed me to look forward to our time together as a totally different connection . One in which i am free to be unlocked and have as much sex as i want. As long as i do not cum. My body and mind is very in tune with this now and know this is the life for me and us. Is it easy all the time? NO!!!!! i get very frustrated sometimes. But the frustration is learning. I learn to be patient and wait. I learn to control my thoughts and my erections. At least in the day time. During the day my mind and body have realized how far an erection can go and stops there. So when she does unlock me and i can have a full erection it is great! This morning i was horny as usual. It was very tough thinking about being locked up again. It is a very submissive moment when she hands me the lock. I know i have to get back in. After all the play we had the boys were very full and not at all happy about being put back up. She says they don't know what is best! She is right, but they are not happy today! I really never know when i will be unlocked next. Friday usually seems to be the night but not on any schedule. so often it is not Friday. I get frustrated sometimes not knowing but i also like not knowing. If i did know i would probably spend the whole day focusing on that. It is very special when i know she is gonna unlock me. So it is good that way. I guess counting for me relates to how long its been since the beginning of our long session of this journey. I think the biggest change for us is the fact that i have had to understand that my cumming is something i have to give her. It is not mine to squander. Since we will be having no children there is truly no need for it. She had to accept my cumming and chose to be the person in control of us, our sexual relationship and really our direction. Women have spent their lives trying to please men, by making them cum. That was the gauge of success. For us it truly is not. I do not beg her or plead with her or ask to set days when i can cum. I did mention a time way off in the future and she said maybe after that. Submissive men, stop chasing ejaculation. It truly takes two loving committed people and it takes time. A couple cant get where we are in days or weeks. This truly takes a minimum of 90 days for both parties to learn and be comfortable with their new roles. As pouty as it makes me for her to hand me the lock, it would be devastating if she did not! I am a very lucky boy and i love my queen very much!

Another Milepost

Last night we hit a new high! My mind and body is really in tune with who and where i am. I feel the best about me i have felt in my life! My understanding and acceptance of my place is overwhelming. All day yesterday all i could think about was getting home and us being close. The anticipation is murder! I really did not expect to get unlocked but was happy she wanted too. I have really learned to be close while locked up. Before it was hard for me to do that. My mind and body was not in tune with my place. Now i can be really close and be locked up and not feel like i am going to pull my hair out. All this takes time and alot of training. It also takes alot of self examination as to what i am and what my purpose is. I am a chaste male that belongs to my partner. I love her more than anything. All good feelings i have come from her. She loves me and allows me to be hers! She knows i am hyper excited for her all the time and is comfortable with that. We both know that i have no need to ejaculate. So the fact that sometimes i may want to for a brief moment i know that it is not who i am. Nor can i be what we need when i am not focused. In our begining i think she felt i was getting cheated by me not cumming. Now we know i would be getting cheated if i did. After she finished with me she said that after i was up i could lock up and give her back the keys. There is no need to restain me to get back in. She simply tells me. For most of my life i was excessive. Drinking, smoking and sex but most of the sex was self gratification. Now i do not drink at all, smoke at all or cum at all. We have the most amazing sex i have ever had for long periods of time. Quickies are gone! When we have sex, intercourse, which is often, it is amazing. And i last longer than ever. I have no anxiety about my peformance for my mind and body know that i will not be cumming! FREE!!!!!

Cookie Cutter Chastity

The excitment of starting the journey and the distractions along the way! Most men that have had deep desires for male submission and chastity have been working on the feelings for a very long time. In secret! That is a huge reason they look at porn of male submission. Not really relating to the dominatrix as depicted on screen but with the feelings they long for that this image can provide. The brain says that image produces happy, safe and good feelings. Society says something totaly different about them so they must keep it on the down low. It doesn't take long for them to realise that the woman on that screen is not the one he needs to submit to. It is the one he loves that he needs to submit to and almost always his wife or girlfriend.
His partner has no clue! He may have dropped hints or tried to throw it in a conversation but usually not straight out. Depending on her reaction he has set the tone for how they move forward. Maybe he said something in jest and she made light of it. A powerful negative for him! She had no clue, not fair but this happens all the time. Male submission and chastity is a very hard topic to approach for most couples. If they are not close and in love in may not happen. It is very scary for both the male and female partner. Can he come clean with how he feels without being persecuted and thought less of? Will she be repulsed and leave? While he is in the closet with the whole idea he is still hopeful and in the game of chance. If he brings it up and she is put off will she simply say no and all hope is lost? There are a lot of men that try to bring male chastity into a rocky relationship. Tough sell!
All this brings me to the cookie cutter chastity statement. There are alot of books and literature out there that are great helps and mind broadening material! I am a dedicated follower of some. I truly enjoy their perspective. Their are most defiantly patterns to behavior and people that have been around male submission and chastity can vouch for that. The problem with most couples starting cookie cutter chastity is that the read or hear something and think they have to do everything they read or see in order for their relationship to blossom. And on some time schedule. This is truly a journey. And similar to taking a road trip, if you do not like to travel in a car and you are on edge and constantly cant wait to get there you probably wont enjoy the trip. If you look at it as a learning bonding event where you see new sites, stop and smell the roses the whole event is transformed into something totally different. Same distance same destination.
Couples need to feel safe and understand that their success or failure is based on their expectations of the journey and destination. Some women are more aggressive and some less. Some see benefits in the beginning and some learn it over time. Some don't see it up front and never will! A huge setup for failure is for couple to just fall into this type of dynamic that means so much to a submissive male and think if they just do what everyone else says it will work for them. What part of any ones relationship works that way? There is give and take, negotiation, success, failure, disappointment and trials. Couples that have been practicing male chastity and female led relationships and are successful and fulfilled have all these. LIFE!
For all these reasons i have realised that the need for couples to counsel or coach with someone in this will probably determine their degree of success or failure. Books are not interactive. They are great but they have no soul. They have no feelings and they cannot recognize where you are at the moment and provide the needed support to work through today.
Cookie cutter chastity makes for frustration, when your frustrated you act out, when you act out you cause distance in your relationship.......don't cause distance in your relation! Get male chastity life coaching!

Time For FUN

This weekend was great! I got unlocked two days in a row and we played for hours! We had the most incredible sex! That was the first time i was unlocked in two weeks. She really has me trained to be her boy toy now. She rode me for a long time and no sign of cumming! It was amazing and felt great the whole time. Twice i had orgasms without ejaculation. They were very powerful and long lasting. The amazing part is that i never lost my erection and the feelings continued. After she was finished with me i was locked back up again. There is always this huge anticipation to get unlocked. She often teases me some before she unlocks me and the anticipation is huge. Then when its time to lock back up again it produces kind of a nervous feeling as i don't know when she will unlock me again. There is no schedule just anticipating when it will happen. I have really learned that our closest sexual connection is when i am not allowed to cum. I have learned that the feelings we have are so strong that while i do desire release, that me not cumming provides us both the kinda man she needs. For me as a submissive i have given myself to this position. In my heart i know this is where i belong and while cumming would feel great for a moment in time the over all loss seems to great a risk to take for both of us. I have learned that the mind and body can be trained to respond to its environment. MY environment is one of total bodily submission and our journey together seems to have no productive reason for me to cum. I am expected to lock myself back up and i do. I always get this overwhelming submissive feeling after i close the lock. I have to get close to her because i need to express my feelings. There are some areas where she has not exerted her power over me. Its there and some things i feel comfortable about she is just getting to the point of being open to. She is a product of our society over her life. Mostly dominated by men. Most men not really dominate themselves but angry control freaks rooted in fear. Anyway, I am sure that the journey we are taking is not for everyone. I do know it is for me and her and given that i don't see cumming in my future. It is not worth the price!

TIME and PRESSURE

 It has been awhile since i have written anything. Haven't felt motivated to write! I think i have been going through some internal turmoil. Trying to sort out my feelings about chastity and our relationship. It seems in the past that all my concern was on how long i was locked up and trying to look at when the time to start the cycle of ejaculation over again. Counting days!....?
We have just passed 90 days with me not ejaculating. While at times it has been a challenge i have learned that there are so many things to experience along this journey that are new and exciting. We do practice oral and penetrative sex regularly. I just do not cum. I know that we have an agreement that chastity has made a huge positive benefit in our relationship and it is here to stay. I do stay locked up 24/7 except for play time. Play time has changed alot! Sex is no longer just sex. It is always exciting and deep. I feel so good when we are close that my mind is learning that being out means extreme closeness and i truly feel my mind has come to a point of telling my body that it has decided to trade cumming for these feelings. My body still screams for release, mostly my balls, but still the extreme desire is there.
Going this 90 days has made me realise that it takes time and pressure to mold ourselves into good submissive men. I knew going in that i felt submissive but now i am submissive. Taking away the ability to touch yourself, to cum at will or for that matter to even have a true erection is powerful! Learning that any and all good feelings come from one source is powerful! At this point i know where my good feelings come from and it feels really good. It is secure and safe. It is proper. I feel like a kid when unlocked and am hard for hours. Learning to pace myself so that i can be a better lover and partner. Knowing that i am not going to cum. That i am going to be so close and have orgasmic feelings over and over. But i will not be cumming. She does not desire it and to be honest i do not either. It undermines the journey we are on. And it is a journey! A great journey! So, do i count days until i cum? NO! I count days it has been as i reflect on our journey, and know in my heart that the way i feel now me cumming would be like an alcoholic taking one drink. I love where i am and how i feel. Am i in control of myself? More than ever. I feel that we have reached a place of loving female authority and on that note i am in less control than ever.
The bad news is i wont be cumming anytime soon!........The good news is that i wont be cumming any time soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

SUBMISSION, CHASTITY and CONFLICT

It has been brought to my attention lately that there are many dynamics working together at the same time for a submissive man and his partner while in chastity. Sure he feels submissive to his partner, both sexually and non sexually, but in chastity the sexual dynamic for him becomes very powerful. His partner is watching this and interacting with this but also desires this dynamic to carry over into the rest of the relationship. This can be disappointing for the female if her needs are not getting met. Submissive men have a huge inner desire to please their partner. So even in conflict they are really striving to please their partner and feeling inadequate if they feel they aren't. this situation has arisen with me and as i reflect on things i find that during the conflict i became very afraid! Not that i was locked up. I became very afraid that my inadequacy was cause for termination of the relationship. Did i realize i was still locked up?YES! Did it impact my feelings? Somewhat, but the sexual tension i felt after being locked up for 5 weeks fell totally away. The sexual hyper charge diminished and i felt depressed and lost. The person i loved the most was disappointed with how i reacted, and it was not in a submissive manner. In reflection i now understand that i need to take an account of my relationship on a regular basis and make sure i am on solid ground. I need to shut up and listen some times when i have the inner urge to say and do. I need to shut up and listen always before i make a bad choice of words. My tone, my demeanor and my compassion was not that of the person i know i am inside and want to be.
   Did the chastity device being on make me change my opinion of what happened? NO! It was not until i totally let go and said i wanted to do whatever would make her happy that the device came back into play. At that point i felt better about myself and thus the hyper feelings started to return.
   Effective communication is the greatest tool in any relationship. FLR/Chastity is no different. Submissive men need coaching as they are trying to figure out what will make her happy that is within their power. Little things, big things whatever. Submissive men expecting their female partner to know what they desire all the time is unrealistic, just as the female partner can't expect the male to know what they need or desire at the moment is all the time. Good communication will help reduce unmet needs and keep the relationship on an even keel. For the relationship is even, the man being submissive or in chastity does not make it uneven. Quite the opposite, it gives it balance.
    So, during the conflict did i want out of the chastity device? NO!!!!! I was scared to death that she would decide to put me out of it! It was a feeling of unity during a time when we felt apart emotionally. To that note it only strengthens my belief that i never wish to be out and under my own control again. I must dedicate myself to being a better listener and support partner!

WHAT SUBMISSIVE MEN CRAVE

        Submissive men crave some really basic things in a relationship. To a person that is not submissive these cravings may appear strange or off base. In the mind of the submissive man they are not strange at all, quite the opposite. They are real and very strong.
         One thing they crave is to give of themselves to their partner and be recognized for it. They want their partner to accept their submission and ultimately expect it. They like to do things for their partner that are often simply taken as a reduction in stature. This includes house chores. These do not reduce any ones stature as it is something couples do on a daily basis. This offering of their submission is one quick way for them to make a huge difference in their partner's life. Taking more responsibility from them and shouldering it.
         Another thing they crave is to be the sexual submissive. This dynamic is huge and causes many men to chase dominate women in the bdsm lifestyle. The truth is that they secretly desire their partner to be the dominate partner and to feel safe in their submission to them. Real submissive men do not have to be beaten into submission or taken kicking and screaming. They will go happily! If their partner shows any signs of a dominate nature they will lead the way. Male chastity is the prime example of sexual submission; the one thing a submissive can do to belong to their dominate partner 24/7 without anyone knowing except the couple. He will really not want it to be a secret, but it is. In this world he feels connected to his partner and at her will. She alone controls his manhood. She alone controls when she will unlock him. She alone decides if and when he may ejaculate. A true submissive will even respect her wishes when he is not locked up and save himself for her and his relationship.
         The submissive craves structure. He wants direction from her, he wants order from her. He needs to understand her expectations and how to make her happy. He wants discipline and expects it. For in that scenario he is free to feel he is trying to satisfy his partner, and even if he falls short she cares enough to stick to rules and not abandon him emotionally mentally or physically. Submissive men would rather be spanked and feel all is right in the relationship than to be left wondering where he stands. This goes for any so-called punishment. It is somewhat childish in thought but extremely simple in the submissive mind. He simply wants to make things right in the relationship and move forward at her feet.
          Is all this humbling you ask? Why yes! Most submissives are humble to some degree and desire to be more humble. They wish to have their partner desire their submission and humility. Not as degradation but as a commitment to their relationship. :If mama ain't happy nobody is happy", everyone throws that saying around. For a true submissive it carries deep meaning and his failures in the relationship will be taken hard by him. To the point of anger and resentment of his partner. He craves an outlet to make things right again in his mind. Even small gestures that make him realize that his dominate partner was aware of his transgressions and simply requires him to make amends, however that may be.
         Submissives crave attention. It may seem by their desire to be a follower in the female led relationship that they do not crave attention but it is just the opposite. That is their goal. Attention! they will settle for negative attention if that is all they can get. They don't desire chastity because they view it as celibacy. They desire to trade their average lives for a hyper charged one of tease and denial. For multiple orgasms without ejaculation to the point that if they are not expected to remain ejaculation free they are failing. They want you to say no! They want you to hold your feminine power over them and they crave you to exercise it.
          If you have a submissive man, learn to understand their cravings because it is most probably the person he is with now! Learn to exploit it, relish the good!
haveandtohold.net 

Submissive Men and Ejaculation

I believe submissive men are cutting themselves short in the world of FLR/ Chastity. The idea that in order for your fantasy to be real you have to have a hyper dominate interaction with another person is just unfair to both the sub and their partner. This is in the most part what begins the cycle of porn surfing. Searching for that hyper quick fix, a shot of dopamine and good to go! Then the buzz wears off and you need more. All driven by the desire to release your submission.
          In mainstream society the need for a submissive man carries past the bedroom. He needs to feel submissive and connected to his partner 24/7. She on the other hand does not need to have to manage him like a child and will bear a huge burden if saddled with more responsibility on a daily basis that she is comfortable with. All the chores done in the world will not relieve the burden. And not all women are dominatrix types or can they identify with how that works. Alot do not wish to, it is simply scary or overwhelming. This does not mean they do not have dominate characteristics and the ability or the desire to tease and please. Quite the opposite, even submissive women desire to tease and please!
           In the realm of mainstream female led relationships/male chastity the female need not be an alter ego doing sessions, rather your daily partner in a loving relationship that is willing to lead at her own pace. She has to find her groove. The submissive partner has to be willing to sub-ject himself to learning and developing the relationship. Submissive men want to jump straight in the water, she will want to put her toe in! She will most likely not be willing to take you on and lock you up and make you submit to her. If you truly are submissive to her in nature and feeling she will not have to MAKE you. Simple suggestions on what she wants and desires should suffice. The submissive dedication you bring to the table will in the end dictate your success or failure, not her ability to dominate.
           Going into the trial period in this relationship there must be clear cut understandings, not a bunch of rules and bullshit. Simply a philosophy to move forward with. She is in charge, and your initial commitment to this lifestyle is that you as a sub will agree to spend the first 3 months without ejaculating. Not without sex. She will decide when she is in the mood to be sexually active. This agreement is needed for many reasons. The greatest is that it will keep you focused.
            To Cum OR Not To Cum?  the answer is no! so don't ask, beg or whine about it. Women are giving up something that is a huge part of their satisfying nature. Making you cum. This is a two partner commitment to a deeper relationship based on closeness and trust. If you want to get kinky, fine, but that is not the basis for this life choice. Some people live a bdsm relationship daily, i feel very few and this will never be the mainstream value. To each his own and i enjoy erotic kink. I enjoy a submissive life more.
            For these reasons i believe that life coaching in this is hugely beneficial for both partners in order to understand what baggage they bring into this dynamic, what this really is, what the expectations are etc. And what are your fantasies. without this there is no foundation. So the relationship falls. This will not fix prior relationship problems. What it will do is change how you look at things in the relationship and how you react to issues It is amazing what happens in a relationship when expectations are being addressed!
          Life coaching at................haveandtohold.net

Mainstream Male Chastity?
                                                     As i have studied this dynamic as a life choice i have learned alot. Male chastity has been continually grouped into BDSM, Cuckoldry and many other so called alternative lifestyles. Leaving mainstream couples feeling extremely put off by the idea totally. For the biggest part this is a shame as the most important benefits from a male chastity relationship has nothing to do with BDSM or any of that. It has to do with the spark in your relationship, trust and dedication. Non of which require being beaten or cheated on or for that matter a so called mistress. It requires the love you have for your partner and wanting her to recognize you belong to her and that you have a constant reminder of that. Can you trust without it? Sure! But we wear wedding rings, engagement rings and promise rings. All so everyone else can see what are relationship status is. We also like the reminder to ourselves that we are connected to our partner when they are not with us. There is truly no difference with the male chastity device. Men are dedicated to their partner and have a constant reminder of that. Is it punishment to expect your partner to remain totally loyal to you without question? To include masturbation. It is my feeling that women in general are much more loyal when they feel they are not threatened or being cheated on. Men in general think much less about surfing porn and self pleasure. Robbing their own relationship. Does it help to say female led? Maybe. Is it necessary? No. your partner simply has control over your intimate life. Not your pursuit but your reward. Just as it was when you dated and found her irresistible. You waited till she said yes. And it was great! Back to why buy the cow or now i have the cow. Well there in lies alot of the problem. Male chastity washes that statement out. For you are constantly working as you did in dating to get her attention and have a chance to be close. So is male chastity mainstream material? In a relationship that values trust, dedication and wonderful closeness, YES!

Men, Marriage and Masturbation

      To start off by saying that husbands masturbating during marriage is the beginning of the end would be harsh! So, lets be harsh. Masturbation out of the presence of your wife or partner is paramount to infidelity. Simply taking it upon yourself to remove your body from your union and self pleasure yourself is a huge relationship breaker. It creates vast distance between the couple physically, emotionally and mentally. If she is unaware of it then it is lying. If you are fantasizing about anything but her it is cheating. With the vast amount of porn out there and the ideology of immediate gratification men are set up to take the road of giving little and gaining release. Watching porn can become a huge addiction. It is fake, emotionless and cold. It destroys the intimate bond between two loving couples. Admitting to it is very difficult for most men. They have fantasies and are trying to incorporate them in their daily lives. At some point if not currently their partner was their fantasy. For a healthy relationship that needs to return, which means masturbation has no place in a relationship unless it is mutual. Men need to adopt a philosophy of never participating in this practice. While it is possible to do by themselves it is not very likely they will be successful if this has gone on for a good period of time. They need help! The help of a life and relationship coach in these matters can be a recipe for success. A life coach specializing in this relationship dynamic can help both partners cut to the chase and find the path that best suits their relationship. All relationships are different. Learn how to stop this hidden relationship killer and get the close trust that all great relationships need to flourish.
haveandtohold.net

Converting from vanilla to wife-led marriage easily qualifies as a drastic change. Typically the husband secretly harbors his submissive desires, sometimes for many years, and after finally mustering his courage, surprises her with his confession. Duh. Do you think this may be why women initially reject the notion? Especially when you consider how men can be so convincing at maintaining their traditional masculine identity, that the wives hadn't a clue their husbands want to submit to their female authority. Of course one could argue that in many marriages the wife is already in charge, but chooses not to assert her authority overtly. In this regard, "changing" to a wife-led marriage might not represent that much change after all. But we'll save that discussion for another day.

Male Submission: 
                                   I spent my whole life battling the demons that were a self empossed remedy for my lack of sexual submission. it started very early in life for me. the idea of me belonging to someone else. i remember my first true love and me wanting her to know i was hers so much that i cut her initials into my body with a hot knife. In retrospect i believe that was my first attempt at submission! Most of the rest of my life was spent with the desire to belong to someone i loved. Not just that i loved, but could feel held that love in her control and cheerished it. embraced the power it has and incorporated it into our daily lives. This does not include pornography. It was not until my failed relationships went full circle was i brought back around to this woman many years later. this time i needed to give myself to her again, this time she was receptive to my submission and so we live a life of her control and my submission! what a great life as we have become extremely close and supportive of each other in our daily lives. Everyone should experience the depths this can take your relationship!

Life coach specializing in female led relationships for both men, women and couples.
If you are looking for answers in your relationship or have problems dealing with lifes relationship issues on a daily basis this is the place for you! blog here or go to my website for more info! haveandtohod.net